On Motorcycles

I've been thinking about motorcycles quite a bit lately. Not because I want one...though getting a decent one down the road wouldn't be out of the question...but rather because I see and hear them and about them every day.

We've got lots of riders here in Oklahoma. This isn't unusual; there are lots of riders everywhere these days. Unfortunately, most of them ride those ridiculous abominations that you hear long before actually see them. That always make it look like the rider is feckless white-trash loser, pining for something he doesn't have and never had. That sound awful, even when they aren't destroying your eardrums. (In fact, a close acquaintance of mine told me that the first thing you do to a new Harley is remove the muffler.) Or, they drive one of those giant things that makes you wonder why they didn't just buy a Lincoln Town Car and drive with the windows down...especially when they're pulling a small trailer behind their bike. Or get a used Miata or something.

I can respect riders...they love the feel of the wind, the rumble of the bike, the thrill of the open road. I prefer to get those things in a nice convertible, but I've ridden before, myself, and I know what that feeling is and why it's so addicting. However, I wish these folks would consider the image they portray about themselves. For example, what does it say about you when you wear the hilarious-but-tactless "If you can read this, the bitch fell off" T-shirt from Harley? Or the riding clothes that are way too tight for your (and your "bitch's") 275-pound physique? Or when you adorn your ride and yourself with so much fringe, you look like a party favor as you cruise down the highway? Or when it's obvious that you have washed neither your bike nor your riding gear in several months. I know, I know, there's no accounting for taste...but I would argue that Harleys are yet another embodiment of the "screw you, it's all about me" syndrome that has been punching this country in the kidney since the mid-1960s.

The same goes for the actual driving habits of a lot of riders. Harley riders, while they often look ridiculous, are at least usually somewhat courteous in my experience. They're smart riders, paying attention and staying out of your way...normally. There are others, though, for whom the idea of being a smart driver is wholly foreign, which is doubly dangerous when you consider that you have almost no protection while riding a motorcycle. These are the guys who ride the crotch-rockets and insist on popping wheelies in the middle of rush-hour traffic. I used to see these morons all the time in the HOV lanes right next to heavy traffic on the freeways of Denver. Then there are the ones who will exploit their bike's better agility and acceleration to dangerously weave through 3-foot gaps between cars while traveling 70 mph. All it takes is one miscalculation, and you're roadkill.

Obviously, these things are not true for all riders, or even for all Harley or crotch-rocket riders. I know guys who drive Harleys, and actually look good doing it (even if looking is all I have after being made temporarily deaf by them). Heidi keeps telling me she wants a Harley, and I know she'll be a careful and considerate rider when that day comes. I don't know personally any guys who drive crotch-rockets, but I'm sure there are smart, careful ones out there somewhere.

So what about my ride? I did say earlier on that I'd be OK with getting a motorcycle in the future. Well, I do have a few picked out for if/when the time comes. I prefer rides that look sleek and modern without being racy, have power without being obnoxious, and are comfortable without making me look elderly. Such bikes do exist, although you'd never know it, as this combination seems to be the least-favored street ride among the riding community (who all seem to prefer Harleys/Harley clones, crotch-rockets, or Gold Wings). In the parlance of riders, what I prefer is called the "Sport Touring" bike. So here's my quick list:

1. Honda ST1300 -- Smooth and fairly powerful. They have a sporty look without making it look like I'm on the track. Probably the most affordable of the lot, and it's a Honda so you know the engineering is solid.
2. BMW R1200RT -- A sharp sport-touring bike. A BMW. What more could you ask for?
3. Triumph Sprint ST (or the upcoming 2011 Sprint GT) -- The styling on this is very close to the sport bike line for me. However, Triumph makes great bikes, and from what I've seen online, this one is universally highly-rated as a sport-touring ride.

Most importantly, all of these are fairly QUIET. I much prefer quiet bikes while riding; I consider it rude to enforce my lifestyle decisions and hobbies upon others in yet another blatant way. (Can I get an "amen" from those of you who've been awakened at 10:30pm by the motorcycle-enthusiast-next-door?) So there you have it. I might not ever have one, but if I do, these are what I'm going with.