I'm coming, yet again, to a crossroads in my life. By the end of 4 weeks' time, my life will never be the same. My divorce will be final (barring another catastrophe). I will be moved out of my apartment and into a house, and again barring a catastrophe, Heidi will be there with me.
That last sentence alone might come as a large shock to many of you, but my relationship with Heidi is getting more and more serious every day. We are even discussing marriage, as early as next June. Heidi and I have our problems, as in every relationship, but I believe that I have found my complete match in Heidi. We communicate very well, we work out our issues together with love and respect, and we do incredibly well together. Our key phrase, when we discuss our relationship, is, "together, we are unstoppable". We both believe this and we feel it every time we're together. This was further cemented in her asking a week or two ago for us to go to relationship counseling, in preparation for our future together. Not the bad kind of counseling, but a good kind, a proactive kind, almost like premarital counseling. I was very leery of this at first, because my experiences with counseling (as well as conventional wisdom) show it to be a bad thing, something you do when your life or your relationship is broken. On further reflection, it showed me how wise and how thoughtful and how serious she is. Heidi is good to me in ways that no other woman romantically has been, and that's what makes it so wonderful. So yes, we're most likely moving in together next month, and I know there are many of you out there who might not necessarily agree, and I understand and respect that. But I know what I'm doing.
In fact, many areas of my life have been truly blessed and continue to be so. Financially, things are settling down. There's still a great deal of uncertainty, based on what the final settlement terms are with the divorce, but my future as a teacher is secure for a while. I still have a day job that is challenging and pays me pretty well, even if I am at times extremely frustrated or upset by things that occur with my work. My children are doing well, and I expect to get more time with them, once things are done with the divorce. I'm looking at moving into a house, instead of an apartment, specifically because I need to provide more of a home for them, for when they are living with me. Heidi and her son will be living with me, thus requiring even more room.My golf game continues to improve, despite my ability to practice as regularly as I really want. These are all great things, of course.
The only truly difficult parts of the last couple of weeks, aside from things at work, have come from Heidi, who is in the midst of the most difficult couple of weeks she's had in quite a while. As you all remember me saying before, she was in a car accident two Thursdays ago. She's still dealing with the aches, the pains, and the hastles that accompany that sort of thing. In addition, she has lost both of her beloved pet ferrets in the last week; one died just last week, and the second unfortunately will have to be put down this week. Both were old, and in a way, we saw this coming, but she is in a terrible state trying to deal with that in addition to everything else. The one blessing through this, and I mentioned this to her last night, is that she has been on vacation since the Friday after her accident; the family she nannies for is out of the country and will be until the end of this week, I believe. So at least she hasn't had the difficulties her job sometimes to provides to further compound her stress. Please pray for her, so that she will be able to successfully cope with this difficult time.
Back to my situation. As things are improving for me, someone (either God or Satan, I haven't yet received enough information to decide which, exactly) has sent another huge temptation my way. As many of you know, my deepest and most dear dream is to move back to Oklahoma, permanently. Despite its faults, Colorado is a fine place to live, and each day the past few weeks I've begun to see more enjoyment in living here. But that doesn't mean I want to stay; this is not my home. It might be reaching a "home-away-from-home" status, but it is not my home. Also, as many of you know, I work in information security. In the past, I've also done some pretty heavy-duty computer networking. Those types of jobs are difficult to find in Oklahoma, which is not terribly tech-oriented (compared to other parts of the country, like Denver, for example). So when I have opportunities to do what I do in Oklahoma, I ALWAYS examine the possibility very closely and with great deliberation. Now I have a new opportunity, and hence the temptation; Kerr-McGee is looking for a Sr. Manager of Information Security at the headquarters in downtown Oklahoma City. Again, all at once, my dream of living back home comes rushing into my mind, pushing away other considerations. Ah, the joy of living in Norman and commuting into downtown OKC. (Traffic?? BAH!! I've lived in Denver for nearly 9 years now, and I know traffic, believe me. OKC's traffic just doesn't compare.) Close to family, close to OU (very important on those Friday evenings and, of course, Saturdays in the fall), back in the culture and with the people that make most of who and what I am...the temptation can at times be overwhelming in these situations. As I said at the beginning of the paragraph, I don't know if this is God opening a door or Satan trying to pull me off the path; I can only be led in one direction or the other by events as they transpire, and that alone can guide my thoughts and my ultimate decision. It is these temptations that make the roller coaster that is my life over the last 18 months that much twistier and more exciting.
Please, to everyone, I still need your thoughts and prayers...my life is changing, and fast. Pray that God will continue to give me his strength to deal with these things.
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