New and Unusual Developments

As time goes on, I'm finding more and more unusual things happening to me, with me, and with my life. For example:

-- I'm finding myself listening more and more to bluegrass. My parents had played some for me a couple of years back, and I enjoyed it. But now I seem to be listening to it more and more. Those of you that have known me for a long time know that at first glance, bluegrass wouldn't appear to be my kind of music, but it has a strange appeal I can't explain. Maybe it makes me think of home. Maybe it makes me think of my parents. Maybe it has tapped into some musical vein that has long been ignored, deep under my skin. In any case, I even thought today of trying to write some bluegrass myself...the words, at least, anyway.

-- I am becoming increasingly disinterested in the news. I find that I only seem to get angry or saddened when I read the news. Even the political stuff just seems to anger or depress me now. In the last week, I've pretty much quit reading any of the news and blogs. Perhaps I'm just starting to feel that a great deal of the debate, the arguments we constantly see in the world, are pointless and will never be resolved to anyone's satisfaction. Perhaps I'm seeing more and more that even though we're supposedly a democracy, the will of the minority seems to win out much more often over the will of the majority. Maybe I'm just tired of hearing the same things over and over again.

-- I'm forgetting things at an incredible rate. I have always had a pretty good memory, but the last few months, my memory seems to be a mere shadow of its former greatness. I am constantly forgetting things I was supposed to remember, places I am supposed to be, tasks I am supposed to accomplish, questions I'm supposed to answer. It's really starting to bother me. There are times when even some of the topics I'm supposed to be discussing in my classes aren't quite as fresh for me as they once were, and with so little effort on my part.

-- I'm questioning my future more and more. In my past, as a big believer in planning, I always knew there were uncertainties in my future. But I always had a goal or destination, and I always had a plan for how to get there. Perhaps it's the constant, consistent uncertainty of the last 18 months that has me completely loose from the crazed planner I once was, and now I'm just being blown wherever the winds see fit to send me. Perhaps I'm just wearing out from this and no longer feel I have the luxury of planning.

-- I'm seeking balance, and yet I'm finding none. I've mentioned in posts before how important it is to me to have balance in my life. Yet I have less balance now than I've ever had before. This could be contributing to the above issue, as well. But the cold fact is, I have almost no time for myself, and frankly, much less time than I'd like for those I care about. I sincerely hope I don't burn out the ol' engine and crash and burn in a tremendous fireball, leaving only a gigantic smoking crater. My resolution, starting this summer, is just to tell people "no" more often. A LOT more often.

I'm a much different person right now than I was even 6 months ago. This is so strange be going through this, knowing who I am but watching myself doing things, benign though they may be, that are completely not part of who I am. I'm facing situations and issues that I've never had to face so closely before. I'm not sure where I'm going, and I really have no idea who or what I'll be when I'm done with them.

Well, I know this is an odd post for me, but thanks for reading along, anyway.