I Need to Just SHUT UP

First, my apologies to all of you faithful readers. I probably need to rename this blog to "The Weekly Okie" as that would fit in a much better line with my recent "diligence" in maintaining daily posts.

Now to the matter at hand.

Heidi mentioned something to me the other day, and the more I think about it, the more it disturbs me. She made an off-hand comment, just something in the course of our conversation, nothing huge...and yet it has haunted me since then. It went something like, I can be very judgmental.

I brought this up to her earlier today, and I told her that she was right, because she IS right. She tried to smooth it a bit, "Yes, you can be judgmental AT TIMES..."

The point is still there, and still valid. (I mean, really, is there ever a good time to be judgmental?) There are times, lots of times, actually, when I need to just keep my mouth shut. It amazes me how there are times when I am really good at doing this, and there are times when I am appallingly bad at it. Security-related stuff...no problemo. You can't pry that kind of thing, such as operational information related to what I do, out of me with a crowbar. One of the primary rules of security is, security is always discreet. As I like to say, if you can't trust a security guy, who can you trust?

Other times, however, my mind runs away with me. I speak out about things, based usually on my own experiences, as though they are somehow authoritative. I seem to believe I hold The Answer. When I was 21, this might have been brushed off as a tolerable side-effect of my youth, but I'm 31, and I'm supposed to be building up some sort of maturity now. I can say things that seem very rude, or at least, as Heidi pointed out, judgmental. Worse, all of these things are negative. Notice how "judgmental" almost never carries any kind of positive connotation; we're never judgmental in a good way. I think a thought, I somehow determine that it is earth-shattering, and I blurt it out, broadcasting it so that anyone within earshot can somehow benefit from my enlightenment. James writes in the chapter 3 of his book:

Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

Perhaps if I started my day off reading this passage, then I re-read it four or five times throughout the day, then I read it right before bed, I could get it through my thick skull. (Actually, truth be told, there are seven or eight passages that it would do me good to read repeatedly every day...this is just the one most relevant to this dicussion.)

The real bad part of this is what leads to my judgmental tendencies, something I normally rail against in others: pride. I apparently believe that my way or my thoughts or my ideas or my experiences somehow weigh more than others. My tongue, untamable thing that it is, just makes the whole thing worse by spouting out my prideful thoughts. One would think that, with all of the trials I've had the last several months, I would have learned something more by now. I mean, as Heidi mentioned to me today, we all know what they say about opinions: they're like...ummm...well, you know what I'm talking about.

So here's my plan. I'm going to keep my mouth shut for a while. Not completely, as in I'm not going to speak at all. This will be much more practical, and probably make me much more pleasant to be around. When I'm tempted to hand out my opinion as freely as the Pope hands out blessings, I'm going to ignore that temptation. I resolve to do everything in my power to keep my opinions to myself, unless my opinions are explicitly sought or asked for. Perhaps, if I keep my mouth shut, two things will happen. First, I will hear more, and become a better listener and thus make others happier. Second, I will be able to think ahead a bit before I speak, and thus head off trouble before it has a chance to jump on the saddleless back of my untamed tongue.

It's time I tamed my tongue, and perhaps learned some humility as I do so.

Thanks for reading along.

P.S. There were some very judgmental, negative things I could have added to this blog as side-comments threaded throughout my writing above. Somehow, I managed to keep them out. It's not much, but it's a start.