Dreams and Nightmares

So...it has come to this.

After years of dreaming of moving home, after imagining in my mind the glory of driving that moving van out of Colorado...stopping at the Kansas border to shake the dust off of my feet...stopping just inside the Oklahoma border to kiss the ground, Pope-style...making a home for my family in the Holy Land...I have the chance to do just that, to make my dreams come true.

Friday, at 12:47pm MDT, I got the call from a very nice gentleman with a good-sized bank based in Oklahoma City, with whom I've been speaking over the past week. Tuesday, he had called to say they were interested in me for a senior security position. I went through the spiel with him; I told him what I've been doing, why I'm interested in moving to Oklahoma (that baffled him at first), that I'm in the middle of a Chapter 13 bankruptcy repayment plan, but that I can pass a drug test and criminal background check, I'd be an excellent fit...blah, blah, blah. And he listened! He listened and wanted to keep talking to me. Wednesday, I had a phone interview with him and his team. It went well, but they said they had one other person to interview and they'd probably have a decision made by the end of next week. Through it all, he and his team were up front with me, straight shooters in a world that doesn't typically reward straight shooters well. (After the dance that is finding work in the Denver market, which I've done a few times before now, the approach was refreshing.)

Anyway, the other person either performed miserably or just dropped out of the running, because as I said, he called me yesterday, a full week before I was expecting. We want you, he said. He made an incredibly generous offer, one of the best I've ever received for a position, honestly. We talked details, compensation, timeframes. I told him my challenges and what I might need from him. Everything was great. I finished by saying that I normally ask for 24 hours to make a decision, but that this one was much bigger and I would like until late Monday. Take until early Tuesday if you need to, he said. Like I said, a straight shooter. Just the kind of person I'd like to work for.

So here I am. My dreams are within my reach, and it seems like it's what God wants me to do. This year had been so difficult for us all, with the financial problems that ended in the bankruptcy, Grandpa's passing, health issues, job issues, hard times for the family. This whole situation has lined up for us so nicely, and it's so straightforward. The offer is so generous. It's hard to think that God isn't directing this, telling me that this is the way to go. Even the timing is great; I could start work next week and have benefits kick in on September 1st, and effectively lose almost no pay, despite a full unpaid week.

But there's Connor. I don't want to go without him. Katie would probably be OK here, much better with her mom in Colorado. But Connor...he needs us, and he needs me. He needs to be around a man regularly. His mom dates some, but she doesn't seem to be doing so regularly, and doesn't appear to have any plans for keeping a man around on a regular basis. So if he doesn't go with us, it would be Connor as the only male in that entire household, and that's all he'd have all the time. I'm not saying his mom is deficient in some way; she loves Connor and does her best for him, always. She might be a lot of things, but she sincerely loves her kids and wants what's best for them. I just hope that I can convince her that what's best for Connor is to come with us. Connor would like to go, I think, and I know that once he gets there, he'd do well. All of our family is there, including his mom's, so he would have family near him all the time. Oklahoma is a great environment for kids, with lots of activities and stuff to do. So I don't want to go without him...to the point that I would stay here if I couldn't make that happen. If there were no question of him going, it would be a no-brainer. The position is wonderful, the timing is excellent, and I might go five or even ten years before I get an opportunity this good there.

My decision is complicated by the lack of work in Denver. I've been sending resumes like crazy and calling my recruiting contacts. I've had friends sending me leads, none of which panned out. I've said in a previous post that the market here for what I do is really soft, and I'm not kidding. As of right now, this offer is the only one I've received to date, in nearly 6 weeks of looking for work. My concern was mitigated by learning that my Secret-level security clearance was processed on Thursday, and I could get a clearance job with an EOD while the final investigations are done. That would be a tremendous help. But the job I was going for with that is on hold for at least two weeks, and even then, there are no guarantees. I've called some other contacts to let them know about my clearance, and there has still been nothing substantive. In short, Denver isn't really doing anything right now to keep me here, or even to convince me to stick it out a little longer in the hopes that something will come along that will make the timeframe for an Oklahoma move more manageable.

Put all that together and what does it mean? It means that I'm holding my dream in my hands, knowing what a great chance I have...but with a level of uncertainty that has steeped this decision in agony, and that is tearing me up. This could be the biggest decision I make, in my entire life, or at least make the Top 3. I'm praying, Mom and Dad are praying, lots of people are praying...please pray for me, and for us, as we seek God's wisdom and guidance with this decision. I don't want this dream to end up a nightmare.

Thanks for reading along.