The Realm of Ultimate Geekdom

Once upon a time, there were humans. Humans wanted to build things, and so some humans became scientists to find out how things worked. Later, some humans became engineers to figure out how to use what the scientists found out to put new, cool things together for the (supposed) betterment of mankind. For the better part of human history, scientists and engineers did their own thing in the background of life. They were the glue that held humanity's creation together but they were largely invisible. The things they discovered, knew, and built made lots of people afraid, and this drove them further underground. They developed their own language and their own set of ethics and their own interests and their own values. They saw the world very differently than other humans. But they were invisible and underground, and so for most of human history, no one really knew much about them, except that they learned and built cool things for the (supposed) betterment of mankind.

Unfortunately, because the scientists and engineers focused so much on learning and building and not on the people who they were learning and building for, they were usually pretty socially inept. Other humans didn't mind, though, because those scientists and engineers kept cranking out stuff like the wheel, the pulley, the Pyramids, the Parthenon, the Taj Mahal, the steam engine, the internal combustion engine, the car, and the airplane.

Then, the scientists and engineers built computers. And they wanted to connect computers, so those scientists and engineers built networks, and later, the Internet. This connected lots of scientists and engineers together and they traded jokes and expanded their language and their ethics and interests and values. They merged and built more. Then, some pseudo-scientist and wannabe-engineer humans saw what the real scientists and engineers were doing with computers and with the Internet, and they wanted some o' dat. And so the scientists and engineers started letting these other humans connect. They began to slowly, grudgingly let these non-scientists and non-engineers into their world.

Over time, more and more people bought computers and connected to the Internet, even if they didn't know jack squat about what that actually meant or how it actually happened. But they began to see what the scientists and engineers were and what they were doing. Like computer networking. And sci-fi. And video games...lots and lots of video games. And it was good. It opened something new, something amazing and powerful.

It opened the Realm of Ultimate Geekdom.

To this day, scientists and engineers speak a language that is largely unintelligible to other humans; in fact, the languages and dialects can even be unintelligible between certain groups of scientists and engineers, so specialized have they become. And the whole socially-inept thing still holds pretty well, for many of these amazing people. Today, these people are generically known as "geeks".

I am a geek. I have parts of my psyche that will never move beyond their geekiness. But this isn't just about me. I would argue that nearly everyone, and particularly nearly every male, has a little geek somewhere in them. Can your father-in-law fully describe from memory how to rebuild a carburetor? He's a car geek. Your brother who recites the stats for every player on the 1960 New York Yankees for the entire season? He's a sports geek. How about your friend who can construct a solid-oak cabinet with one arm tied behind his back and only a coat hanger and a rock for tools? He's a carpentry geek. You say your sister can recite the basic tenets of Keynesian economics while standing on her head? She's got some economics geek in her. Geeks are everywhere.

So what does this mean to you? Well, in honor of my geekiness, I'm going to post some links to some of the most hilarious geek material. A lot of this will be technology-oriented, as that is my particular area of geekiness, and it also seems to provide the most and best geek material. Some of these things will amaze you. Some will disgust you. Some will take you down Memory Lane, and others will make you cringe in fear and pain. But I hope you enjoy all of these.

1. ThinkGeek -- This is the ultimate site for all things geek. This site contains, hands-down, the best overall selection of toys and gifts for just about any geek. In fact, there are some of them that even I don't get. Even within the realm of geekdom, there are varying kinds of geeks of every stripe.

2. For your viewing pleasure, two of the greatest geek news sites: Slashdot and Digg. It's a constant war. And of course, in grand geek tradition, there is a "holy war" between Slashdotters and Diggers. If you can stand the out-and-out political garbage you have to deal with constantly (which is, in fact, what drove me away from both sites), these are great for all geek-oriented news content.

3. Speaking of holy wars, every geek must devote himself to at least one serious technical holy war. Here are just a few from my world:

• Windows vs. UNIX/Linux vs. Mac
• Internet Explorer vs. Firefox (vs. Opera)
• Intel vs. AMD
• Open source vs. COTS ("Commercial Off-The-Shelf")
• Playstation vs. Xbox vs. Gamecube
• Admins vs. coders
• Client-server vs. mainframe
• Net Neutrality
• Online privacy

I could name hundreds more (and hundreds is NOT hyperbole, folks). Geeks turn just about every argument into a holy war, and the other side is always full of idiots who know absolutely nothing about either "the way the world works" or "how things SHOULD be". (I would argue that this attitude, coupled with the impressionable folks allowed onto the Internet, is part of what has destroyed civil discourse today.) Important to know the political battles around all of these areas before you get yourself killed, because these wars dictate a lot of the worldview and the productivity of your standard geek.

4. Should the holy war you're fighting require more than just words, there are always better weapons to choose from. Now THAT is some power.

5. Geeks also have a tendency to not just use the technology that someone else has developed, but also to use "mods" to enhance that technology (i.e., make it do something it wasn't intended to do, but can do quite well, for the user's benefit). Here's an example of a geek's thought process in this regard: "I just bought this Wii, and the games are awesome! But...something's missing...I wonder if it could...RUN MY ENTIRE HOUSE?!?!?!" Watch this video for the answer to that question. (Remember, this stuff takes A LOT of work to build, and this guy's doing it for fun.) As soon as a new technology comes out, geeks starting messing with it. People started hacking Tivos (which run Linux) almost immediately after they came out. And of course, there are people who spend ALL of their time finding ways to break other peoples' software, for fun and profit. All in a day's play for a geek.

6. Geeks need downtime, too. There are games. There is pizza and beer (the staples of the standard geek diet...in this way geeks aren't too different from your standard male unit). For humor, there are Dilbert, User Friendly, and of course, the BOFH (Bastard Operator from Hell). If you like your entertainment more high-brow and challenging, there is always sci-fi...like Star Wars, The Matrix, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, Doctor Who, and of course, Star Trek. Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Carl Sagan, Robert Heinlein, and William Gibson are just a few of the writing giants of the genre.

7. As mentioned above, games are a critically important part of life for the hardcore geek. You know how every time a new game console is released, there are people who stand out in line overnight to get the first one? We have a name for those people: geeks.

Those are just a few good ones. I'll put more up as time goes on, but this is a good introduction, for those of you who aren't geeks, of what being a geek is all about. Enjoy! Thanks for reading along.