Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.-------------------------------------------
In honor of the recent record-setting Powerball jackpot, recently won by a group of lucky folks in Nebraska, I have thought a great deal about what I would do if I won that money. The final jackpot amount was $365 million. Figuring the cash value, after-tax amount of about $124 million and change (as reported by the official Powerball website), I would do the following, in approximately this order:
First and foremost, the Lord gets his 10%. That means about $12.4 million goes straight to my church. Boy, will they be happy! I would probably have to do this anonymously, frankly; I don't want to necessarily let them know (although I'm sure they could figure it out once they hear that I'm a super-millionaire). But still, that's not the point. All blessings come from God, and a blessing of this magnitude demands the tithe He asks for as part of our service to Him.
Second, I pay my debts in full. I pay Heidi's debts in full. I pay my parents', grandparents', and sister's debts in full. I pay Heidi's parent's and sister's debts in full. That's only fair, right? What good is it of me to have the ability to help them all out and not do it? Seriously, even if all of that debt totaled somewhere in the neighborhood of $500,000 per family/individual (a very liberal estimate, frankly), and the additional tax burden I'd have to help them out with for my gift to them was an additional $200,000 per family/individual, that's still only about $4.5 million, all factored together. That means, with my 10% to the church and the approximately $4.5 million in debt relief and taxes to all my family, I still have over $107 million.
Third, I give a large gift to my alma mater, the University of Oklahoma. My gift will be $20 million, split in half for different purposes. The first $10 million goes to the Department of Linguistics in a trust to fund a fellowship for three linguistics professors. I figure that, if the trust manages the money wisely, it could make at least 10% per year on the investment of the $10 million. With most of that money going to the three professor spots, they could sustain those positions indefinitely, and really recruit some high-quality linguistic talent to fill them. That would be a huge boost for the school. The second $10 million goes to the athletic department, with one caveat: I get 8 football season tickets, between the 40-yard-lines, every season forever until the end of time, and tickets to OU-Texas and any bowl games, as well. That means that, as part of the agreement, I get those tickets and I (and my descendants) keep them until we willingly give them up. That's all I would ask for. I don't need my name on any buildings or anything like that; just give me those tickets and I'm a happy man. With that $20 million I just gave away, my total is now down to about $87 million.
Fourth, I start a foundation to hold an annual contest to help people. Not the way regular charities help people, nor to the sort of people they usually help; charities typically help people who are the most desperately in need. Lots of foundations try to cure cancer, provide affordable housing, help with children's medical problems, feed the hungry, provide for the homeless, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that, but what about the folks who are decent, hard-working, middle-class folks like myself, who need help at bad times but have no one to help them because there are always those who need the help more than they do? Those folks are left to fend for themselves, and have nothing but their own work ethic, integrity, and effort to make their way in the world. Those people have rough situations come up in their lives, tragedies that really affect them badly, or bad decisions they've made regarding finances, credit, or other things that put them in some bad spots. Again, though, no charities are out there to help people recover from these sorts of situations. To me, the key thing is to get these folks out of debt, so that would be a starting point. Think of it as "Extreme Makeover: Credit Edition". We take average Joes who are in a tough situation, and we try to help them get back on their feet. The key is that everyone makes mistakes, but those people who are earnest, hard-working, honest, sincere, good people deserve help from those who can help them. So here's what my contest will do. People enter by sending in essays talking about their lives and why they feel they meet the above criteria. My staff goes over the essays and finds the most promising 50 or so. We then meet with the individuals and determine the top 10, just from interviews. We then do background checks and meet with friends and family of these folks. From that group, we pick the top three and pay their debts off, and tack on an extra 20% or so to help them get into a better spot. Let's say that I donate another $25 million to this task, setting up the foundation and everything. Again, invested wisely by the foundation, that money could support the contest for quite some time. That takes my total down to about $62 million.
One last thing: I put $1 million in trust for each of my children, Katie, Connor, and Donovan. It will be intended for college, of course, but once they're done with college, they can do what they like with the rest. I only hope I can instill the sort of smart-money values I would like them to have, so they don't just go blow it all. I can stress enough, though, the value of financial freedom, and if they can get going in life without having to focus on the whole money thing all the time, I think they can be more productive and generally happier. Sure, money doesn't solve every problem, but removing the money part of any person's life equation is just one less factor toward a simpler life.
After all this, I have about $59 million left to live on. Boy, that sure would stink, wouldn't it? Let's say that $50 million of that goes into traditional investments, then the remaining $9 million goes into gold (or some other relatively-liquid asset) just to hedge my bets. Again, if I get a mere 10% annual return on my $50 million in investments, that's $5 million a year in interest I get to live on. I think I could live quite well on that, and I don't even know if I'd come close to using all that money every year. Even with a worst-case scenario, in which the stock market crashes and I lose most of my investments, I still have the $9 million to fall back on. If you had $9 million to live on, with no debt, if you're smart, you could make that money last a LONG time.
So on to the fun stuff. I keep working my job in information security, mostly because I still really enjoy it. I try to help build the business. Maybe I reduce my salary (since I wouldn't really need it) so that they can focus that cash on other things. I buy my own training for any sort of security topics or certifications I desire. Maybe I even get my Master's in information security, probably as the SANS Technology Institute. I work in Oklahoma and Colorado, some for the Root Group where I work now and some for my dad, helping him build his own business, something we've been planning for a few years now. Eventually, after Dad and I get the business built up enough, I leave the Root Group and make Oklahoma my primary home, where Dad and I run the company. Once the company is set, maybe I quit information security altogether, go back to grad school for linguistics, and see if OU will let me teach there, since teaching linguistics at OU is one of my main secret dreams. Since I wouldn't need a salary, they could give me a professor spot and not even need to pay me. I'd still start at the bottom and work into a tenure spot, of course, but at least they'd be more interested because of my work and wouldn't just see me as another professor they'd have to pay (not even with one of the three professor spots I had provided).
Heidi quits her job and never works again. We have a baby, preferably a daughter (this would make for nice symmetry, two boys and two girls, and you all know how much I like the idea of balance). We travel the world, going to all sorts of exotic and interesting places (she gets to pick, of course). On the side, I get my pilot's license, and maybe even buy a plane. I buy two houses, a huge lakeside one in Oklahoma, and something a little smaller in the mountains of Colorado (as I don't really want to make Heidi really mad by forcing her to stay away, even though we could come here any time we like). I fly my plane around and play lots of golf. Basically, I just try to enjoy life, stay useful and productive, but not work myself into the ground.
I think this plan works pretty well for me. I know everyone talks about winning the lottery, jokes about it, but what would YOU do if you actually won? If you have some ideas, feel free to drop some comments. Thanks for reading along.
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